Letting Her Go
by Crystal of Snow
Summary: So, I wrote this little story around Raffe after he leaves Penryn with the Resistance and thinks she's dead. I also had to write something for my latest OTP (Raffryn forever!). Not to mention, out little fandom needs more love. So, enjoy some Raffryn fluff-like stuff!


Raffe sighed sadly, looking out at the sun as it disappeared over the horizon. The light was slowly fading, and sadness washed over him, this felt like when he lost _her_. Shaking his head as to clear it, he lifted himself into the air.

Snow gently fell from the sky, but it didn't bother him, the cold never did, never could. It could bother _her _though. She felt cold so easily. His lips curled up slightly at the thought of _her._ She was so...interesting. She was different from the other monkeys-er, humans. Snowflakes fell on him, reminding him of his wings... the wings she cut with scissors, held onto, used as her bargaining chip. He was _not _smiling at the though of what a monkey did to his wings, no, never. But was she even a monkey? She was a lot like him... No, of course she was a monkey, she would always be a monkey.

He had left her with her people, so they could do whatever it was monkeys did in honor of the dead. He wished he'd stayed with her, but, no, he couldn't think like that, it was for the best, he had to let her go. He most definitely was not sad he left her, he certainly didn't regret it, no, that would be preposterous. Would it really? No, it wouldn't be, he cared for her, and he wouldn't- couldn't defy that.

His mind drifted back to their adventures as he flew through the seemingly endless darkness of the night sky. He remembered only being able to walk, which, by the way, was horrible. He'd hated it at first, but at least he'd had a bodyguard, kind of. When he was weak and vulnerable, _she _protected him, a human, one of the creatures of which he and his people had killed thousands of. Granted, at first, it was for personal gain, getting back her sister, but later, it felt like... more. It felt like she really cared and really wanted to protect him. _Like when she died to protect you _he reminded himself. That reminder, that he had basically killed her. Why did she care? Why did she have to care so much? At all?

He remembered looking down from high in the sky at Obi's truck, the truck they took _her _away in. He hated the streets that allowed her to be taken from him, but at the same time, he knew the hate was just a way to cover up the guilt. He was what killed her, not directly of course, but he was still why she died. She protected him when his loyal sword would not. He knew that he didn't actually hate those roads, no, quite the contrary. The roads held many priceless memories of their adventures, of being with her, of learning about her. The roads also did what he could not, get her somewhere safe to mourn the death of a big sister, a daughter, a friend, a guardian, a real and true angel, not one of his kind. He only wished he knew where that was...

Maybe his feelings were deeper than he let on. Maybe he cared more than implied. No, he would not say he did. He didn't even like her, right?

Had he actually... harbored such deep feelings for a human then he wouldn't have let her go, right? He would've been a better guardian too. He would've done so much better. But, no, he let her go, he didn't care that much.

Memories of the aerie popped into his mind. Him, staring into the empty glasses of his drinks, fearing the worst. Everything was wrong there, and, he'd left _her_ behind. He no longer had felt a sense of belonging there either. What had he done to deserve the torture he was currently receiving? All these memories... Why couldn't he think back to the memories of before meeting _her?_

He desperately had hoped she would actually have listened to him. Then maybe, the dream he was living, would've stayed, wouldn't have ended, she wouldn't have died. He'd still have her.

They'd still... no, they would've separated anyway, because all she wanted was her little sister back. She couldn't care less about him. It was just a dream, it wasn't real and wouldn't last. It would fade, the sun, before the moon rose. She was lightning, gone in a flash. She was wind, gone like she was never there.

Why, every time he closed his eyes, he saw her face? He didn't actually care much for her, it didn't mattered if she always haunted him. He was Raphael, the one who saw humans for what they really were. But, they were just like angels, they... no, he hated humans, especially the Daughters of Man.

Why did it seem that everyone he cared for died or may as well be dead? His Watchers, his team, _her. _It seemed everything he touched that he remotely cared for died or some terrible fate befell them. His Watchers... not a fun fate, his team? They were falling apart with no leader, with no more reason to believe their leader was even still on of them. And her? She was dead, she had died for him, plain and simple.

Hopefully he'd forget these things by the time the sun rose again, but for now, he needed a light, something to make him think of the brighter things in life, not all the things he'd done wrong, which happened to be a lot. He needed the assurance of the light, to know it wasn't all over, but where would he find this light?

The snow began to fall faster, heavier. He began to miss the sun's warmth, the feeling of light so close by. Another sad sigh escaped his lips, he shouldn't need that, he should be fine without it, but he did, he did need it, he wasn't fine without it. He hurt and he felt guilty, a terrible combination.

He let her go, he did not.. care deeply for her, she was nothing but a simple monkey, he was an archangel, the great Raphael. But, was he really so great? So amazing? All he did was take lives, did that make him great? At least most humans had morals at one point, if TV and _her _anything to go by.

This guilt was killing him. He hated it, he felt terrible. The guilt and the grief, the sorrow and remorse. Monkeys, no, they were humans, lived with these feeling a lot he knew, so how did they stand them? These feelings made him hurt, made him want to just curl up and never move, they made him hate himself. He was a monster, not a pure angel as the humans sometimes, well, used to sometimes, think of them as, he was nothing more than a cruel beast. He ruined lives. He never should've stopped hunting the Nephilim, at least then he was doing good.

He still felt hate towards the roads below him, probably would for awhile. He just hoped that she got what she deserved, in a good way of course! He'd never wish harm upon her, too bad he couldn't have saved her, that would've stopped harm from being brought upon her.

He really did question his true feeling towards the stupid Daughter of Man. Her witty comebacks, the fact she'd rarely shut up, her loyalty, her big heart, her care. No, she was a Daughter of Man, he could **not **think like that.

Rather than looking down anymore, he looked up at the dark sky. The stars were gone, the moon wouldn't shine. It was as if it was trying to make him more upset, hurt him more. He currently despised everything around him, this was not how he wanted to feel, he didn't kill her. He did though, and he couldn't argue that.

He felt empty without her, like he'd lost his very purpose of living. He heart seemed to constrict at the thought of her in pain, or... dead. He just hoped she was okay wherever she ended up when she passed. She deserved Heaven, more than any other living being. She deserved the salvation he had said she didn't. If only she had gotten it. That's all he really wanted for her, to be happy, to feel the same as he did when they were together, that unprecedented happiness.

D-did her love her? If he did, why hadn't he realized it yet? It didn't matter anyway, his maybe love was dead, had been dead for a little while now. It was too short a time to fall in love anyway. That thought wouldn't leave his head though, loving her. It wasn't possible, it couldn't be.

Yet, he saw her in his dreams, no matter what. Every time he closed his eyes for that matter. He always saw her, her face, when she was happy, embarrassed, sad, annoyed, her in that dress from the aerie. That damn dress. If he had never given it to her, they'd have never gotten in and she wouldn't have died.

He frowned at the idea of never being able to touch her again, feel her hair between his fingers as he did one of the many times he left her. He would never get to even see her again, he probably wouldn't be able to remember her after a couple hundred years past.

The very idea of not remembering her felt like it broke him. He.. cared, too much. He should probably be in Hell right now, for what he'd done. No, he'd done nothing wrong, she was simply a human, no, this time a monkey, he'd helped. She meant nothing to him, nothing at all.

He was looking too deeply into his feelings, reading them wrong. She was nothing more an annoying companion whom had almost gotten him killed on numerous occasions. She was just a barely 'evolved' monkey. Like he, was just a bird with an attitude, a barely evolved lizard.

He needed something to get his mind off this, off _her. _He needed some sort of light to get him out of his dark thoughts. He needed something to brighten up his depressing mood. He needed someone like _her _to take his mind off this. But, would that help? Or only hurt him more?

Snow seemed to be everywhere in front of him now, kind of as if the sorrow he was feeling was affecting the bitter weather. _Snow, _wasn't that what she'd called him at first? Because of his wings? He was pretty sure that was, which made the beautiful snow seem less appealing somehow. Like, without her, it wasn't worth enjoying.

He really did wonder if he loved her. He wondered if it all was because of that, him loving her. Why he hurt so much inside. He continued to refuse to believe it, Daughters of Man had only caused him trouble before, she was no different, no matter what, she was no different, no matter how much it felt that way.

He knew full well that this was probably his most depressing mood in a long, long time. He knew what it was like to soar, to feel great, heck, he should be feeling that way now, but it seemed as if everything was against. Everything wanted to make him hurt, no matter what.

The damn road below him was a perfect example of such. It reminded him of the Daughter of Man in every way. It was really bothersome. If he was being honest, he wanted to be like his people at that moment, and blow the damn road below him off the face of the Earth, but he wouldn't, he wasn't one of them.

He hated the idea of loving her. But, the more he said he didn't, the more he doubted it. Also, the more he regretted leaving her in the dust.

He left her behind, he abandon her. He let her go like a bird out of a cage. She was gone, he knew it, but he still hurt, she was gone, and it was still his fault.

While it hurt, he knew it had been for the better, he just wasn't sure for whom. He knew he cared for her, did she care for him? No, no thinking like that, she was forbidden, she was a sin for him. But, wasn't the forbidden fruit always the most tempting? No, he really needed to stop thinking like this.

The more he flew, the more he doubted he had actually let her go. He didn't want to, if he was being honest. Could he do anything about it though? No, he couldn't, he had no choice whether he let her go or not, his mind had to do that. Not him. Definitely not him, never him.

He craved some sort of light to guide him out of this darkness, this sadness. He needed a light and he needed it soon. He needed a spark of hope.

This snow was really only making him more depressed. It fell like he had the day he met _her_, when he had lost his wings and she had taken them as... hostages, bargaining chips for regaining her sister. The day she first saved his life. The day he was dragged around by a half-starved Daughter of Man.

Did he truly love her? He had just given her up without really a second thought. Okay, that was a lie, he had thought about it endlessly and decided she should be with her people when she died, not the 'angel' that caused it. Not one of the ones that destroyed her home, no, her own people.

He knew of times he had felt a million times better than this. He shouldn't let guilt consume him, he just couldn't. He had to live, even if for her, even if just to prove her sacrifice wasn't in vain. She had left herself unguarded to help him survive, so he had to let that sacrifice be worth it, he had to live.

Did he really hate these roads below him? Had they really made him feel the way he did? He couldn't blame an inanimate object, could he? It didn't actually do anything to him, right? So, was this hate masking guilt, pure hate, or something he didn't know? He didn't truly hate these roads, did he?

With such logic, did he really not like_ her_? Was he lying to himself? Well, he wouldn't know, he'd never really know, but he could say that it was worth it, every second with her. Losing her, it hurt, a lot, more than anything else, so, was this love? Was that what he felt? Love?

His light wasn't really gone, no, it was merely burning out. Maybe he could relight it, just maybe, but, he didn't. He needed a spark, and where would he get that spark? That one spark of hope he so desperately needed? He'd probably have to get it on his own, somehow, someway.

He didn't want this snow any longer, he wanted to see the sun, because maybe, that was the spark of hope he needed. Maybe.

He didn't truly dislike her, he was lying to himself. He really did know, he just didn't want to except it. History just loves to repeat, huh? Fate obviously loved to torture him, and he wouldn't deal with it any longer, no more of doubting himself. She didn't blame him, that wasn't her style. She didn't blame people, he knew that, didn't he?

For a moment, he blamed Obi for it all, for destroying the aerie and everything, but he helped so many humans, and he didn't kill _her, _so he wasn't to blame. Maybe he should follow the Daughter of Man's example, not blame anyone(excluding the scorpion angel, so, technically, Uriel). Yeah, that's what he should do.

No, he didn't really hate this road below him. He didn't really hate her. He didn't blame Obi for her death, as he began to think, since he had blown up the aerie in the first place, which, if he thought about it, had nothing to do with her dying. He didn't like her though, not at all. He loved her, deeply and endlessly, he loved her.

Yes, he loved her, deeply and truly, he loved her. He had truly realized that after she had died, after he'd left her, he loved her. He wouldn't, no, couldn't refuse it, it was the facts. He would've given anything to have traded places with her, to have died instead. He would give anything to have her back. He loved her, forever and always.

As he glanced down once more, he saw long brunette hair just like _hers._ No, she was gone, it couldn't be. He flew away from the girl, if only to avoid being brokenhearted when he saw that it wasn't _her._ Though he knew the real reason, it was because he wasn't ready to face this, ready to see _her _again, because, deep in his heart, he _knew _it was _her, _that it was Penryn.

* * *

**I had to write this when I heard Let Her Go earlier. It reminded me so much of these two. So, here's some Raffryn fluff-like stuff that I put together. I hope you enjoy! Read and Review! I don't own Penryn and the End of Days! **

**Update:  
I had to remove the song lyrics due to Content Guidelines. Now, just consider this a regular story, no longer a songfic.**


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